


Soft Touch/Raw Nerve

by Sashataakheru



Series: Strange Magic [7]
Category: Electric Light Orchestra
Genre: Angst, Blindfolds, Breathplay, Community: kink_bingo, D/s, Fear, Gags, Insults, Internalised Homophobia, Kink, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Restraints, Tour Fic, Verbal Humiliation, Writing on the Body, language play, things not going to plan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 15:10:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/914700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashataakheru/pseuds/Sashataakheru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dealing with hurtful words with kink and bondage doesn't quite go to plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soft Touch/Raw Nerve

**Author's Note:**

> Written for kink bingo for the prompts 'breathplay' and 'writing on the body'. My card is [here](http://3evilmuses.dreamwidth.org/68713.html).

There was a moment of shock as Hugh found himself pulled sharply into a dark, cramped room somewhere backstage. A hand had been clamped over his mouth, making him wonder if he was about to be abducted and ransomed, or else, killed. Whoever had him was holding onto him tightly. 

"Stay still. Keep your breathing even, one breath every five seconds," came a rasped command in his ear. 

Hugh shivered. At the sound of his voice, Hugh was almost convinced it was Jeff, but it was hard to tell from the way he spoke. He stood still, and did as he was told, taking a breath every five seconds. There were further raspy instructions as his captor corrected his breathing, making sure he was doing it the way he wanted. 

Hugh didn't particularly understand why the breathing was important, but he decided obedience might be better than disobedience, and finding himself killed. It took a long time to settle his breathing, though, but he did his best, breathing in for five seconds, then out for five seconds. As he did so, he felt his captor blindfold him and tie a gag around his head, keeping him from speaking. It made breathing a little more difficult, and forced him to breathe completely through his nose. He felt hands unbuttoning his shirt, slipping it off his shoulders. He felt it fall down to the ground. 

"You keep that breathing steady, boy. I'm going to remind you why I'm your master. I will write my domination all over your body, and I want you to hold your breath every time you feel the marker on your body," the voice said.

That was when Hugh calmed down a little, reassured it was indeed Jeff who had taken him away to torment him after the show. That in and of itself was unusual, though. Jeff had never taken him away like this after a show; they normally did this beforehand, to get Hugh keen and eager so he could earn his pleasure later on. Hugh wasn't sure he was happy with this change. He felt Jeff ought to have at least talked to him first. He felt Jeff fiddling with his trousers, undressing him completely so he had his whole body to write on. 

"Even breaths, remember? Every five seconds, and hold your breath while I'm writing on you. I'm not above punishing you for disobedience," Jeff said, reminding him again of what he needed to do.

Hugh nodded his consent, as much as he felt he'd been allowed to give consent to this, and did his best to steady his breathing. He could sense Jeff might be waiting for him to get his breathing the way he wanted it, and he appreciated it. After the fright Jeff had given him, he could still hear his heart beating in his chest. His body was flooded with adrenalin, and it took another five minutes to calm himself down such that he could maintain the even breathing pattern Jeff wanted. Once Jeff was sure he was breathing the way he wanted him to, Hugh felt the tip of the pen press into his skin.

Hugh held his breath at that moment, and waited as he felt the pen dig into his skin. He tried to concentrate on the sensations, tried to guess what was being written on him, but it proved to be too fast and too hard to figure out. Soon enough, the pen was gone, and Hugh exhaled, wondering how long this would go on for. 

In some ways, Hugh was thankful for the fact that Jeff seemed to be writing on him in short bursts, as if he was afraid of making Hugh hold his breath for too long. But Hugh didn't get more than about ten breaths between each one, and it became harder to get enough oxygen into his lungs, particularly with the gag limiting how deeply he could breathe. He was beginning to feel light-headed, and just when he was sure he was about to hit his limit and ask Jeff to stop, Jeff closed his mouth around his cock and all Hugh could do was lean his head back against the wall and try to keep standing as Jeff sucked him off, seemingly intent to bring him all the way to orgasm for once. 

"Filthy slave," Jeff rasped in his ear as he stood close to him, hands working his cock fiercely. "You're covered in dirty words, covered in all those things you hate. Faggot. Queer. _Slut._ "

Hugh found himself concentrating solely on his voice. He could feel Jeff tracing out what he assumed were the corresponding words on his body. There were plenty more to come. Jeff whispered each one, murmured the word against his skin, as he traced the letters with his fingers, showing him where each word was. 

Some words were quite filthy. Some were insults Hugh had been called. Some hit so close to the bone, Hugh could barely believe Jeff had used them. It almost felt like a step too far. When Jeff spoke again, he sounded more like himself, and less like his Dom. The blindfold and gag were removed, and while the room was still dark, Hugh could still see Jeff in front of him. It was a sudden jolt back to reality he hadn't needed, though it was not an unfamiliar sensation, as Jeff had a habit of ending their sessions rather more abruptly than Hugh felt was required. Jeff still didn't particularly understand the concept of aftercare.

"You carry all them words around with you, don't you? You have them with you, making you feel awful. I know, Hugh. I seen you suffer for it. I carry 'em too. I got 'em all written all over me, all the things people think about me, and what they feel like I done to 'em. What I feel like I really am. They get under your skin, don't they? You can feel 'em. They're awful. I don't know how to get rid of 'em, though. I just - Hugh, how do you make them go away?" 

Hugh was not expecting that. "God, you really know how to break me out of subspace, you know. Is this all you wanted to talk about? Did it really need to involve this?"

Jeff stepped back, head lowered. "I just - I thought it wouldn't wound me too, doing that to you. I thought it'd be cathartic. Y'know? To kinda deal with all that shit. But it just made it worse. I can't get rid of those words. They hurt." 

"Well, of course they hurt. They're meant to hurt. Why is this bothering you all of a sudden?" Hugh asked.

Jeff turned and moved away, keeping his back to him. "No, 'm sorry I messed up again, didn't I? I'm not good at this bondage stuff. I thought it would help, but it just made it worse. I'm so terrible at this. I just can't do it anymore. I'll - I'll see you out there. I just need some space." 

Hugh stood there shocked for a moment before he grabbed Jeff's arm and stopped him. "No, you stay here with me. We're going to thrash this out. You clearly need to talk, and it's a good thing the show's over so we can fuck off back to the hotel and talk about this properly, alright?" 

Reluctantly, Jeff agreed, and he made a point of removing all the words he'd written on Hugh's body, trying to erase their power. Taking a moment to dress properly and tidy up so that no one would know what had gone on in there, Hugh and Jeff left the dark room to return to the hotel. Neither felt particularly in the mood to go to the afterparty Bev invited them to as they left, and Jeff made his apologies. Soon enough, they were taken back to the hotel, glad to be away from everyone else.

They went to Jeff's room, and Hugh wondered if he might not just angst about whatever had bothered him instead of really dealing with what had happened. Jeff sat on the edge of his bed, lost in thought. Hugh wasn't sure if he was in the mood to talk. 

"You alright?" Hugh ventured.

Jeff nodded. "Yeah, probably."

"Can we talk about what just happened?" Hugh said.

Jeff appeared to shrug, but there was no real resistance in his body. "Yeah, I know we need to, hey? Cos it didn't go right."

Hugh sat down beside him. "I'd firstly really suggest you don't hijack me like that out of nowhere. I was genuinely scared until I realised it was you. I didn't feel like I had a proper chance to agree to what it was you wanted to do to me." 

Jeff idly scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry about that. Shoulda asked. I didn't think of how you'd react to it like that. I just wanted to surprise you."

"Well, there are ways to do that without making me abjectly terrified," Hugh said. "I liked the breathing stuff, though. That was pretty interesting. I think I'd have enjoyed it more if we'd organised the scene properly."

Jeff looked at him, surprised and encouraged. "Oh, so you - it was just something I heard about, but I wasn't sure if you'd like it. It's dangerous, and I didn't want to suffocate you, though. But you liked it? Could we try that again, then?" 

Hugh nodded. "Yeah, it was good. Made for interesting sensations when you were writing on me, because I found myself concentrating on what you were doing. I tried to figure out what you were writing, but it wasn't easy."

"Yeah, I wasn't really sure about how well you'd be able to tell what I'd written. That's why I said 'em all afterwards, so you knew. But I did blindfold you. If I didn't do that, you'd have been able to see. But I felt it'd make you concentrate on the breathing, if you couldn't see the words," Jeff said.

"Why'd you decide to write on me, anyway? I don't know if I really understand what you were trying to do with that, particularly since that was what seemed to make things go so wrong," Hugh said.

Jeff shrugged, and he looked more dismayed. "It's, y'know, how you have all them words you carry around with you. All those hurtful words. Y'know what I'm like. I don't deal with that very well, and I was trying to find a way to deal with 'em. I thought, maybe, writing 'em out might help, but perhaps I didn't really think out how I was gonna really do that. It just hurt too much."

"That's because you picked all the worst words, Jeff. Seriously, how did you think I'd react to having you writing those words on me? Verbal humiliation isn't really one of my big kinks. I didn't understand what you were trying to do, and I just felt hurt and sick, not sure why I was being insulted. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like the sensations of you writing on me, but maybe not pick all the really offensive words, next time?" Hugh said.

"Hmm, maybe. I don't know if I could do it again, though. At least, not right now. I might end up not liking it again. I wouldn't want to ruin it for you," Jeff said.

"I think I need to do it to you, next time. I think you need to deal with those words, not me. But I'm not sure you're willing to let yourself be submissive like that, even if it might make you feel better. I know it's hard, though. I know how hurtful all those words are. But I don't know. I got to a point where I decided I was tired of being a hurt lamb. I just decided to let them slip by me. I was better than that. You carry those words around with you long enough, and they begin to define you. But it does you no good, because then you're letting other people tell you what you are, and that's no way to live. But it's really hard to change that when it's been how you've lived for most of your life," Hugh said.

"I know that, Hugh. I know all that in me 'ead, y'know? But I don't know how to get those words out of me. How do I get them out of me?" Jeff asked, looking at him desperately.

Hugh hadn't been in the situation before of having to deal with his Dom's emotional crises, and he didn't feel at all prepared for what he was meant to do. But he knew he would have to do something, or Jeff'd be terrible for the rest of the tour. No one else would be willing to help, either. As far as the band was concerned, Jeff was Hugh's problem. Reaching an arm around Jeff's shoulder, he brought him close, wondering what he was meant to do. 

"Let me erase those words from you, then. I'll write 'em all over you, but I won't be leaving them there, I'll be taking them away, and then I'll replace 'em with all these better words, yeah? How does that sound? Would you let me do this to you?" Hugh said, not sure he would agree. 

Jeff was silent while he thought about it. He did not like being submissive, but he could feel the pain of those words knotting inside him, and he didn't know how to get rid of it. He didn't know why it had been any worse than usual, but perhaps it was because the taunting voices had become internal now, and could not be expelled merely by avoiding the people who were using them against him. Perhaps he'd never be able to deal with them on his own. Maybe Hugh would be the only one who could help remove those evil words from him. 

"Alright, I'll let you do that. Help me, Hugh. I need to get rid of them. They hurt," Jeff said eventually, sounding fragile and broken in a way that Hugh was not used to hearing.

"Do the breathing thing, if you're comfortable having a go at it. One breath every five seconds, and no breathing while I'm taking those words from you. Agreed?" Hugh said.

"You said it helped? That it'd make it work better?" Jeff said.

"It'll help keep you calm. If you begin to feel panicked, just focus on your breathing. Count the seconds in your head. Count the breaths. And when I'm writing on you, really feel those words being taken from you. I'll write 'em backwards, so I'm taking them away from you, erasing them. How does that sound?" Hugh said.

Jeff nodded. "Alright, yeah, let's see if this works, hey?" 

Hugh rubbed his back gently. "If you need me to stop, even if we're not done, you say so right away. We might need to do this a few times to really dig those words out of you, but if it means you're happier with yourself, I'll do it." 

"That's when I use the safeword, right? I'm not used to needing to use that, to be the one who ain't in control. What word do you want me to use, then? I don't wanna use yours," Jeff said.

"I will stop the moment you tell me to stop, alright? Use 'unicorn' as your safeword. The moment I hear that, I'll stop, I promise," Hugh said.

Jeff nodded his agreement, and took a moment to think about what he was about to do. There was a part of him that was terrified of submitting, but there was another part, that aching hole in his chest, that he knew he needed to deal with, and if this was what he needed to do, well, perhaps he'd give it a go. 

Hugh gently undressed him. He lay Jeff down on the bed on his back, with his head resting in his lap. Jeff's wrists were lightly secured with scarfs, designed to keep him relatively still without hurting him. He could still move if he needed to. Tying a blindfold around his head, Hugh lay his hands on Jeff's shoulders, and prepared to begin. 

"Just focus on your breathing, for now. Just the way you told me to do it, remember? One breath every five seconds. Breathe in for five, breathe out for five. Keep count in your head, and don't think about anything else. I just want you to breathe for now to settle you and get you used to being in this position. When you're ready, we'll begin," Hugh said.

Jeff nodded slightly, acknowledging his words. Having Hugh's voice above his head felt weird, but he went along with it. He wasn't expecting it to feel as intense as it did, knowing he could only concentrate on his breathing, and the man sitting behind him. He could feel Hugh tapping his shoulder, counting out the seconds. It didn't take Jeff long to pick up the rhythm, though it took a little longer to tune in his breathing to the point where it didn't feel forced. His breaths were slow, and he could feel Hugh stroking his head gently as he tapped out the seconds. 

"Just relax, Jeff. Just focus on those breaths. Each one's taking you just a little deeper, making you just a little more relaxed. I know this is the first time you've done this, and submission can be a scary thing, but know you are safe and loved, and I will take great care of you," Hugh said.

Jeff almost wanted to reply, but he just kept on with his breathing, Hugh's tapping keeping him focussed. he could feel his body relax, though. It was a strange sensation. He normally never relaxed that much on tour. He was always too stressed from travel and performing. But not at that moment. Hugh spoke calmly and gently, easing him into a stage of stillness. It was almost meditative, if Jeff was being honest. 

"Are you settled now? Are you ready?" Hugh asked.

"Yes," Jeff breathed.

"Alright. Just try to keep still and keep your breathing as I move beside you," Hugh said.

Jeff hadn't expected he'd be so gentle about it. Hugh gently placed his head under the pillows before carefully shifting away from him. Hugh kept a hand on him at all times so Jeff still knew he was there.

"I'm just going to retrieve a pen, and I shall be right back. Keep breathing, and don't fret," Hugh said.

"Yes, sir," Jeff said, the words slipping effortlessly from his lips.

Jeff was hardly aware he was gone. His hand was back on his chest moments later, and he wondered what he was going to do to him. He knew, of course, but being told what was about to happen to him was not the same as it actually happening, and Jeff was unsure how he would react to this situation. Before his anxieties could get the better of him, he felt Hugh tapping out the seconds on his chest again, and he focussed on that, steadying his breathing.

"We don't have to do every bad word tonight, Jeff. Some words are knotted hard, aren't they? They will need time to break through, if you're willing to repeat this exercise. Remember, use your safeword if you need me to stop at any moment. This is your first time being submissive, and I don't want to distress you, or force you to undergo things you don't wish to do. Now, tell me the first word you want to purge, and I'll write it on your body to remove it. Hold your breath while you feel the pen on your skin. Concentrate on the sensations, and feel those words leaving you. Release them. That's all I want you to do right now, alright?" Hugh said.

Jeff nodded. "Yes, sir. I understand."

Hugh stroked his skin gently to reassure him. "What's your first word, then? Whisper it to me, if you must."

Hugh leant in close, making sure Jeff knew he would hear him. Moments later, knowing what Jeff had said, he moved away, and found a good spot to write. 

"Remember, hold your breath as I write on you," Hugh reminded him as he touched the tip of the pen to his skin. He saw Jeff hold his breath and began writing, marking him with words.

It seemed to last forever. Jeff stilled his body as best he could, feeling the pen carving into him. He wasn't sure how long he could hold his breath for, though he didn't think Hugh would take long. The pressure on his muscles felt different, his lungs trying to hold out long enough while Hugh wrote on him. He breathed out as soon as the pen left his body, recognising the signal to breathe again. He took a moment to steady his breathing again, getting back into the five beat rhythm.

"It's gone forever. Believe it, feel it. It can't hurt you anymore," Hugh said once he was done. He watched Jeff's chest rise and fall as he took another breath. He moved close to his face. "Whisper to me, Jeff. Tell me what you wish to remove."

Jeff whispered another word. He obediently held his breath as he felt Hugh writing on him. It was a peculiar sensation. He wasn't holding his breath for very long, so he wasn't feeling particularly light-headed, but it did enhance the sensations of the pen on his skin. The tip of the pen was hard and piercing, and yet it moved over his skin quite gracefully. He couldn't really work out what he was writing, though. He wrote fast and in a script Jeff couldn't identify, not by sensation alone. It also felt like Hugh was writing more than just the word he'd said, but he really couldn't prove that one way or another. That's just what it felt like. 

Finding his breathing rhythm again was easier, and he found himself tapping the air with a finger as a reminder, just to keep himself focussed. His lungs were coping alright, but Hugh wasn't giving him quite enough time to settle before he wrote another word. It left him feeling slightly dizzy by the time he was ready to stop.

Jeff only managed another five words. He got to one he'd been called quite recently, and it still hadn't quite healed. As he went to say it, though, the word did not come out. 

"Unicorn. I can't - no, I can't do this anymore. Please, can we stop?" 

"Sure, we can stop. Had enough, hey?" Hugh said as he released him. He helped him sit up, slowly and gently, and he removed the blindfold, making sure he was comfortable and reassured. "You feeling alright, then?"

Jeff didn't quite shake his head, but he didn't quite nod, either. He wasn't really sure what to think. "I just - I'm sorry."

Hugh wrapped a blanket around him and sat beside him, rubbing his back affectionately. "It's alright. There's no shame in stopping, none at all. Just breathe, and let those bad thoughts go away. Maybe we'll try again later, if you're willing to keep working at it."

Jeff shivered. He wanted to speak, but words were just not coming forth, not right then. As he looked up across the room, he spotted some of the writing on his chest in the mirror opposite them. It was backwards, and he couldn't read it very well. As he looked curiously at it, Hugh leant in to whisper to him, telling him exactly what he'd written. 

Jeff didn't really know how to react to that. It wasn't often that he got himself to the point where he struggled to see the good things he could do, but he'd reached that point tonight. He just hadn't expected Hugh would bring him out of it so easily. Normally, he just brooded and argued with people a lot until it went away. But there was Hugh, making better words sink into his skin, into his body, in a way that others hadn't been able to do. It astounded him, and he sat there, unsure how to react.

"I took those hurtful words away and replaced them with better ones. I know it's not much, but maybe it'll help. Maybe you can think of those words when you're feeling low, yeah?" Hugh said.

Jeff simply nodded. Words. He never liked thinking about hurtful words; he never liked showing that they even affected him. But he knew he carried quite a lot of them around with him, and they were not the friendliest companions. As he sat there beside Hugh, he felt they had, perhaps, lost a little of their power. Perhaps one day, they would not hurt so much anymore.

"Thank you," was all he could say.


End file.
